I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
