So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
