There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
