i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
