I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
