My nipple is on Facebook.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
