she woke up with a sticky ear
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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