Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
