I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize