I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
People with herpes should wear stickers.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
