I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
