she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
