Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
