Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize