Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
