I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
