even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
