i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
