Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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