you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
