my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
