I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
