The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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