No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
