I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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