I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
