Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm sobbing to NWA
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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