Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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