yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
