I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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