apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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