i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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