why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
