Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
