the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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