bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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