I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
