if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
