ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
