Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
