I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
