K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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