hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
