Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
