Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
