What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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