There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
