I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
