Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
