I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
