so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
