I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
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