You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
