Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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