My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
