meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My vagina just recognized that song.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
