i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
