I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
