I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
