They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
