I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
