i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
