I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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