Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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