Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The police scanner is talking about you again....
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
