It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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