Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
