i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
