Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
